Songs I Love, Episode 4

I don't sleep at night anymore...I just sit in bed, wishing I felt tired. I've been going through my iTunes library lately, because there's no reason to have so much music I never listen to. And I've been writing a lot, mostly due to an attempt at self-therapy. It's amazing how much one page in a journal can tell you about yourself. Self-discovery, people - it's a grand thing!

Anyway, my friend Austin shared this song with me the other day. It's sort of techno, and spoken rather than sung, but the lyrics are incredible. I love them so much I'm just going to give them to you:

Because I always feel like running
Not away, because there is no such place
Because if there was I would have found it by now
Because it's easier to run,
Easier than staying and finding out you're the only one... who didn't run
Because running will be the way your life and mine will be described
As in "the long run"
Or as in having given someone a "run for his money"
Or as in "running out of time"
Because running makes me look like everyone else, though I hope there will never be cause for that
Because I will be running in the other direction, not running for cover
Because if I knew where cover was, I would stay there and never have to run for it
Not running for my life, because I have to be running for something of more value to be running 
And not in fear
Because the thing I fear cannot be escaped, eluded, avoided, hidden from, protected from, gotten away from,
Not without showing the fear as I see it now
Because closer, clearer, no sir, nearer
Because of you and because of that nice that you quietly, quickly be causing
And because you're going to see me run soon and because you're going to know why I'm running then
You'll know then
Because I'm not going to tell you now

Trust me, it's even more mind-blowing when you listen to it.  Running - Gil Scott-Heron and Jamie xx

Enjoy!

Plans...Abandoned and Otherwise

"A good traveler has no fixed plans, and is not intent on arriving." - Lao Tzu

I have been unemployed for a little over 4 months, and I seem to have made a habit of allowing all my plans to fall by the way-side. That crazy, 6 week road trip, for instance. I was going to see the West, meet some interesting people, take a good look at myself, and figure out what I want from life. I chose to stay in Missouri until my nephew was born, and I don't regret it - but I felt for awhile like I'd failed myself. Honestly, I've spent the majority of the last few months feeling pretty damn low. And now...now it's time to buck up and get on with things!

I won't discuss my plans yet, because that would almost certainly guarantee their failure, but I do have some. I applied for a program I'm really excited about, and if it works out I'll be moving soon! But I'm trying to keep in mind that plans tend to change, and a change in plans isn't always a negative thing. So we'll just have to see what happens. :)

It's almost 6 a.m. I wish I could say I got up early and plan to be really productive today, but I just haven't been able to fall asleep yet. So...maybe now? Let's hope so.