Clean Up, Clean Up, Everybody Everywhere!

Eureka, I've found it! I spent 7 hours intensely cleaning the rental house my grandparents own today, and I think this is what my life is all about. Well, probably not... But I wouldn't mind getting paid to clean peoples' homes for awhile. For your viewing pleasure, the crazy-old vacuum I'm using and an example of how disgusting it is:

I really took advantage of this time today, and I'm looking forward to tomorrow. (Unfortunately, due to my body's ridiculous reaction to night-time cold medicine, I am WIDE awake right now.) It sounds a little dramatic, but I decided to get metaphorical and deal with a lot of feelings I haven't been dealing with in the past several months, thus "cleaning out" my psyche. Get it? Ha! I'm so clever. And hey, why not be intensely personal on this blog? 

I mentioned a few weeks ago that I'd been contemplating secrets for some time. You see, secrets aren't necessarily bad. Sometimes we keep secrets because people just don't need to know everything, and that's fine. Other times, we keep them because we're not ready to deal with them yet, and that's okay, too. But there are secrets that some of us keep because we're afraid revealing them will change the way people look at us, the way they treat us. Those secrets can torture you. At some point, you have to decide whether you're keeping the secret to protect yourself or to save the people around you from having to deal with something that may not be easy for them. There is a point when you just have to do what's best for you. I reached this point within the last year, and I've been slowly letting my secret seep out, but it's time for me to just say it.

I am a lesbian. OMG!!! If you've never had to "come out" you have NO IDEA how amazing it feels to just say it! I assure you I did not choose this, but I am not ashamed of who I am. I've told my close friends already, and a few family members. I know some of you just fell out of your chairs, but some of you are just glad I finally admitted it. I realize opinions are pretty damn strong on this topic... I'm happy to discuss homosexuality in general, or my story specifically, with anyone who has questions, but please know I don't need a lecture from anybody. I've heard it all, and it won't change anything.

Wow! I feel good! I know I've just subjected myself to the possibility of some really intense reactions, but you know what? I don't care. This is about me being free to actually be myself. It's not about anybody else. I wanted to get it out there and liberate myself from this heavy, heavy weight I've been carrying for so many years. It's still a hard road, but I have a wonderful group of supportive friends and family who I appreciate very much. Now I can discuss a lot of things here that I've been holding back! Like... I'm kind of obsessed with Tegan & Sara, I might go to Jeff City to tell our legislators why it's completely ridiculous for them to think they get to decide who I can marry, and I really love plaid button-up shirts (haha). And if I ever want to talk about my relationships, I don't have to carefully word all of my sentences to be gender-neutral!

Moving on... that IS a huge deal for me, but it's not all I ever think about, you know? I finally got to listen to a few newly acquired albums today. I'm not ready to comment on all of them yet, but I'll give you one STD! Cold War Kids - Mine Is Yours... Now, they've been catching hell for this. People are calling them sell-outs. I saw one review that dubbed them a "lazy Kings of Leon knock-off", but I don't know what that reviewer was listening to! I really, really like this album. It's not quite as good as Robbers & Cowards, but it's a big improvement over Loyalty to Loyalty. I didn't hate that one, but I just never really got  into it. I think my favorite song is Royal Blue. "From now on, wear my love for you loose // From now on, I am just passing through // From now on, trust my feeling is true // From now on, call me royal blue". This album feels like a pre-breakup to me. You know how it feels right at the end, when you're still together but you both kind of know you shouldn't be. Ugh... it's nice to have a collection of songs for that particular awful feeling, isn't it? Haha. I love the sound, though. Great job, CWK, you've won me back!

Now, maybe if I lie down and close my eyes the Nyquil will wear off and I can sleep. Goodnight!

Bead Creatures and Hip-Hop Abs

Well, so much for my promise to update more frequently...not that anybody's heartbroken. Anyway, a lot has happened since my last post...

There have been a couple more snow days and MLK, Jr. Day, so we spent a LOT of time crafting little things with beads. Those beads you put on a peg-board, then iron to make them stick together. Does anybody remember those? Wal-Mart very creatively calls them "Melty-Beads"... and they are disturbingly addictive. Check out all the little things we created last Thursday, and guess which two are mine. :) Also, please note that Marissa created a girl version of each animal so nobody would be lonely, Noah's Ark style.

I've been working out, too. (working out in January...so cliche, right?) Today I did hip-hop abs, which made me feel more ridiculous than anything else I've ever done. I mean, I may think of something worse later, but at the moment I'm pretty certain I'm not exaggerating. And it might have been a good ab work-out if I hadn't been concentrating so hard on whatever the hell they were doing with their feet. So... the best option seems to be sticking with the fitness class I've been attending at the jiu-jitsu establishment on the square here. It's pretty intense, so plan on me being totally cut in a few months. :)

We finally decorated the nursery! Unfortunately, the decals we picked up wouldn't stick to the textured wall, but his name is prominently displayed in case his parents forget it. That was quite an experiences... we had no tape measure, and my mom thought it would be better to "eyeball it" than run home and get one. It worked fine, it just took awhile. We did laugh a lot, though. Not a bad night overall!

I'm really excited to meet him! I think I'm going to brainwash him to believe I'm the most incredible person the world has ever seen. And I'll ensure that he's never without cool shoes, haha. This kid is going to be so spoiled... I think he might turn into a little monster. You know the great thing about this situation, though? He's not my kid. :)



I said a lot has happened since my last post, but I guess my life is pretty uneventful. I did get to spend the weekend with some friends, which is always good! I think I'll do that again this weekend...

Domestication

School has been canceled all week due to snow and is already called off for tomorrow. Bring on another day of arguing over everything, turning up noses at my cooking, resisting getting dressed and brushing teeth, and... laughing, crafting, tickling, movie-watching, chasing the dogs around the house, and outrageous story-telling. Throw in a generous dose of cooking and cleaning, and there you have it: I am now a housewife. It's been a lot of fun, but I am not cut out for this. It's so loud. All the time. ALL DAY LONG.


I've been cooking every day, though, and I'd forgotten how enjoyable it is. Tuesday night we had chicken fried rice I made with a recipe from the back of a seasoning packet. You should try it some time! I found the packet after taking every last item out of the pantry, trashing some things, and organizing it all... it was a 3 hour project, and an obsessive compulsive personality's dream. Anyway, I have visual aides:

It was delicious, by the way. I also painted wooden letters for the baby's room. Now I'm child-rearing, cooking, AND crafting. Who am I?!

That's it for tonight, friends. I'm just posting because I'm a little lonely and don't have anything else to do. You can look forward to a more serious post soon, though. I have a lot I want to say about self-reflection, happiness, and secrets. Oooooh, secrets!

Oh yeah, today needs a sweet thang, too! Hmm.... how about... Joni Mitchell - Blue. Honestly, if you've ever endured a gloomy winter day without Joni, I applaud you. I can't do it. And if you ever happen across the original issue of this record, buy it and I will pay you for it, regardless of cost! (I don't really mean that. I'm unemployed, for crying out loud. But if you find it for a reasonable price, the deal's back on!)

Announcement Time

Well... I started this thing less than two months ago and I've already abandoned it. It's January, so it's only appropriate that I promise to update more consistently, kick some bad habits, and establish some good ones.

Now for the big announcement! The road trip has been postponed... It's a bittersweet symphony, this life. I'm going to stay in Missouri until this summer because it would be terrible to miss the birth of my nephew if he came early! And I know I've been fighting the urge to over-plan, but time to plan a little better than I had so far is nice. Plus, I was nervous about winter road conditions. The stops will largely be the same, but I'll skip that huge dip south to hit Austin because I just returned from that portion of my trip! I've also stumbled upon some money-making opportunities, which I will steadfastly refuse to call jobs, so the travel fund will be just a little fatter by the time I head out.

I'll probably keep giving you little previews of the sights I plan to see, but this will mostly not be a travel blog for the next few months. I guess I'll just ramble on about whatever and see if I hold anybody's interest. :)

Circling back to the fact that it's January, I hope everyone had at least 75% as much fun as I did over the New Year holiday! I got to spend a few days with wonderful college friends, in a beautiful home near Austin, TX. We reminisced, ate and drank beyond capacity, danced, held an incredible mustache contest, set off fireworks, went to a jazz club on the San Antonio Riverwalk, and overall had a ton of fun! Our amazingly talented friend Justin made this video. Some crazy lady took this picture for us, and I shamelessly stole it from Susanna - I'll leave all the crazy, fun pictures for her to post... Anyway, 2011 could not have begun more perfectly. Thank you for a great time, dear friends!

Does anyone make resolutions anymore? I've never been too adamant about them, mostly because I don't usually keep them, but I decided to make an actual list this year. Most of it is private, but goes along the lines of being healthier, living more deliberately, and being true to myself. I promised myself I'd listen to my entire music library and delete a lot of junk I don't really like, and do the same with all of my other stuff. My goal is to be able to fit everything I own into my car and a small U-Haul trailer next time I move. I think I'm already close thanks to the fact that I moved 3.5 times in the past 4 months.

That's almost all I have for tonight. I guess I'll give you my STD before I go, though. :) I've been listening to Delta Spirit - History from Below all day. They sound like Wilco, with hints of Conor Oberst, any good folk artist you know, and the occasional streak of garage rock. Okay, garage rock might be a stretch, but I was reminded of The Strokes during a couple songs. My favorite track is Devil Knows You're Dead.

That's all. Goodnight!