Life, Liberty, and The Pursuit of Happiness

Every single day, I hear a story about another religious leader, politician, "family foundation", etc. bashing gays. And recently I've found myself the target of rude and hateful behavior which, as far as I can tell, is based solely on the fact that I look like a lesbian. I try very hard not to be paranoid, I really do. But I walked out of a gas station a couple of weeks ago and an old man leaned out of his truck, shot me a look of disgust, and spat out, "hey dyke". Last week I was at the movies with friends, standing outside of the theater talking on the phone. As this middle-aged couple walked in, the woman stared me down. I mean staring straight at me, from 20 feet away. I stared right back but it didn't phase her. I said, "can I help you ma'am? I'm sorry, is there a problem?" and it didn't phase her. She even turned around to stare some more as they walked past. The look in her eyes told me she thought me to be a wretched, deplorable, waste of fucking space. In both situations, I got mad. I got mad because it feels like a better alternative than getting sad. Because these people have no right to judge - they know nothing about me. I know that and I try to hang on to that so it doesn't hurt. But the thing about strangers deciding they hate you is... it always hurts. It's a hurt that's damn near unbearable when I let myself think about how mild these instances were comparatively. All over the world, gay people have the will to live verbally and physically beat out of them.

The crusade to stifle the rights of homosexuals is awful. It's ridiculous. Infuriating, illogical, unjust, heartless. The people pushing so hard to defend oppressive laws and social attitudes have no reasonable basis for their argument, and they are treating an intrinsically personal matter like a faceless political issue that doesn't affect real people. They treat myself and the rest of my community like we are less-than. Like somehow we have no right to pursue a happy life because we don't agree with their religious stance on one issue.

And that's exactly what it is: a religious stance. Why are religious people so quick to forget about separation of church and state? Do they not realize they're spitting in the face of the very concept that allows them to freely believe what they believe?! Marriage equality, for example. Religious beliefs should have zero bearing on government-issued marriage licenses. Legal marriage and religious marriage are separate concepts that serve entirely different purposes. Why do people find this so easy to overlook? This is why you are required to get a marriage license at the courthouse, and then can have a pastor perform a marriage ceremony if you choose. The government is saying, "ok, you two want to be treated like a single entity. You will pay your taxes together, you will have the right to make legal decisions for each other when necessary, your assets will be transferred to your partner in the event of death." That's it. The government does not claim to bless your union in front of god and everybody. It does not charge you to be fruitful and raise your children in the way of the lord. That's what religious marriage is for, and that alone is the institution over which the church has any authority.

All of this fighting and judgment is so exhausting. I'm angry, and I'm SO tired of being angry. And I'm sad. Because sometimes I can see and feel so much hatred from perfect strangers. Because my parents love me but they don't understand. Because there are people who will live their entire lives in the closet and completely miserable, and people who will spend their entire lives hating for no reason... and completely miserable. Because we're all people, and life is short, and there's really no point if we can't be kind to one another.

But I think mostly I'm sad because I know so many wonderful people who agree with me but don't do anything to help. I'm begging you to give a damn, even if this doesn't affect you personally. There are so many things you can do to help. Call your representatives and senators and tell them you support gay rights. Next time you hear someone talking about it, try to help them understand that gay rights are civil rights and there are good people being terribly hurt by all of this. Log on to www.hrc.org and sign petitions supporting marriage equality and workplace nondiscrimination acts. Things don't just change for the better, we have to band together and make it happen. Please, just care. I need you to care because today I feel defeated and somebody has to tell me they're fighting, too.